DISCLAIMER: This is semi-fiction based on cut-out story portions from different girls 🙂
I have always wondered how you caught my attention, or how you make me feel so giggly even with the small quirks you do. Being the independent woman I was, I never really intend to depend on anyone. I never let my emotions cloud my mind because I know that if love was real, it would fall just exactly into place at the right time and with the right person.
And then you came along. It was very surprising for me to be attracted with an easy-go-lucky guy. You got a hold of yourself and still play it cool even though there are things that are bothering you. I never took notice of you until one day; I saw sadness in your eyes because the girl you courted turned out to just play with your feelings. I was watching you as you tried to cover the pain with your sarcastic laugh and fake smile. I thought that maybe, just maybe, there is a heart in that spontaneous soul of yours.
It started with a harmless crush, just watching you every time you recite or defend something that you strongly believe in. You talk endlessly about basketball and planned different hang-outs with your friends. I saw how driven you are, and how compassionate you are to them. I smile whenever you would crack a joke, or even when you snicker when you find the person you are talking to annoying or boring. I admired you at your weakest point, when you just did nothing but stare at the ground, thinking deep.
The feeling of admiration after a few months grew into falling in love with you. I know that I should stop whatever I was feeling because it would be like playing with fire. It would be dangerous and full of red-alerts for me. You would never like me. We have a whole lot of differences so there was no way that you would see me as I am.
Time passed and I noticed that you were trying to talk to me step by step. You would randomly crack a joke and then look at me. I get butterflies in my stomach every time you would stare those Chinito eyes and I swear I could distinctly remember my seatmates complain about how my squeals annoy them. You made my heart flutter effortlessly. It was all enough for me and I expect nothing more than that.
Promenade came and everyone was in their best looks. Boy, you sure dressed fine because you got me looking in an instant. I did my best efforts not to look at you but it was such a struggle. I saw you staring at me and I swore my heart skipped a beat. I held my breath as the slow dance started, everyone I know was on the dance floor, everyone except me and you. You started to walk your pace as your eyes met mine.
The room was quite airy, but I swear that I cannot breathe. You held your right hand and said “Would you like to dance with me?” and I didn’t think twice.
While dancing, I guess the way they described it in the movies happened. It was all slow-motion, focusing my only gaze on you and how you’re looking at me intensely. You said you liked me and I was overwhelmed, things were so magical.
To make the long story short, you courted me for 3 months. I cannot say that I was getting the fairytale type of treatment that I wanted, but it sure was enough for me. You are more than enough for me. My fear grew, knowing that I was starting to break down my walls that I built for myself. I was vulnerable and irrevocably in love with you and it was dangerous because back then, I knew I could have left the world just to be with you.
Young love, they say, is just infatuation. They say that it was all you get when the people around you failed to notice you for who you really are, but I was clearly in love with you and I don’t even know why. As cliché as it sounds, I agreed to be your girlfriend, but it was far from what I expected and a light year away from what I deserved. You treat me like I was just an option. You only text me when you feel like you needed to. I hate coming off as clingy, but I just can’t stand to wait for the night just to hear from you. You were always unavailable, you keep on doing things and your replies were so late that I already did everything to make time pass. I wanted to believe that your love was real. I wanted to believe that you were just really busy, but the days and the thoughts started to kill me deep inside. There were days where you just constantly not reply to anything. It felt like I was dating a ghost.
Little did I know that day by day, I was dying slowly and painfully. I haven’t noticed that my world started to revolve around you, but what I did notice was that strange feeling on my chest. That feeling that you were just playing me, that you just like the idea of me being around. I would like to believe that you were serious, based on your mom’s stories. I held on to every little detail and still trusted you.
It was senior year, and I was excited to see you again for it was the first day of school but the moment I did, all you said was that you have something to do. I agreed and I even told you that I would wait for you. Hours passed, and we were walking towards the jeepney stop to my ride way home and then you stopped and paused. I was looking at you with great fear, knowing that something was terribly wrong. “Let’s stop this…” you said. I never knew that it would hurt so much. It felt like I was falling into a deep hole. You said that you’re going to fix your life for us, for me, and that someday when the time is right, we’ll find each other again.
It took me some time to be okay. I guess you were my great love, for I cannot truly forget you even though many guys started showing me what I deserve and what my worth was. There were occasions that I would see you like my pictures on social media sites, and it will start to hurt again for there were terribly a thousand questions left lingering in my mind. College came, and there were so many changes. I managed to get my life together without you. I excelled at the things I love doing, and people started to notice what I am capable of.
It was Christmas Eve and I was surprised to see a Christmas greeting from you. We had a small talk and it was going well, until you started to open up, saying that you miss me. As stupid as it sounds, I gave you your shot. I sent you hints that I am very willing to engage into a relationship again, let alone go back to what we used to. Sadly, after a few days… I can feel like I was the only one pushing through, so I stopped hoping that you’ll come back because it was God’s way of telling that I have to let go of you.
Sometimes, when I get waves of missing you and when I thought of you, I say a little prayer. I told God that I hope you are okay and I hope that you are always happy. The bitterness started to fade as I slowly let go of my hard grasp from the memories of you and from the awesome feeling I get whenever I would think of you.
June started. Classes resumed and I received a text message from you. We had a really nice conversation and you started opening up the things that I wanted to hear for a very long time now. I don’t know what had gotten into me but I gave you another chance. I hope that this time, you meant all of what you said. I hope that this time, I would feel home again. I hope that this time, you would know what you missed and be willing to make up for it. I hope and I pray that this time you’re serious about what you told me. I guess I never could unlove you, for only you can fill the empty spaces in my fragile heart.
And this story , is for the guy who captured my heart.